Unshakeable Joy

When I began this blog in December, I had little idea of the turns our lives would take in such a short time. The other day mom remarked how it could not have been an accident that I would choose such a name for our blog. Paul wrote in Philippians that he had "not already attained." We would use those words for ourselves in regard to this joy. We are trusting that God would build this into our lives as the days progress so that our lives would be a testimony to his strength in what for us looks like an undesirable and even unbearable future.

It has been a few weeks since I last posted. In between we spent about 4 days camping in WV with our extended family (2 of which contained rain of seeming Noahic proportions). We enjoyed some time with the cousins back home in the Baltimore area during the next week even though there was a strain of viral fever running through the little ones.

The past two weeks have not been so easy. Two weeks ago tomorrow we had official diagnosis of Jacob's difficulty in the form of muscular dystrophy. There are various types of this, but he has the type that tends to degenerate the most quickly. The typical cause of this is a mutation in one of the mother's X chromosomes which causes the body to not produce the protein dystrophin which gives strength to the muscles. Without going into lots of genetic information, we have learned that women are generally carriers with few or no symptoms and that boys are the one most likely to suffer the effects of the disorder.

Last week Sharon's parents came up for a few days (just leaving this afternoon). We had an appointment on Thursday at Hershey Medical which has an MDA clinic. This allows patients to see all the necessary doctors without traveling all over the place and also keeps the doctors more in touch with each other. Having her parents here was a blessing, both for the fellowship and the help with the girls. Since it rained on Thursday it was easier for me to get off of work and go with Sharon to the appointments--neurologist at 9 and cardiologist at 10.

We knew it would be a challenge to be in the medical center surrounded by other patients, but we prayed for grace and God allowed us to meet another lady who appears to be a Christian and whose 12 year old son has MD. She lives in Reading and asked for our email, so we will be able to stay in touch with her. I am sure that will be a help as they are a few more years down the road than we are. While we do not have a prophecy of the future and while we know that none of us is promised another breath, we are learning the sobering facts about this disorder. We are grateful that we have not seen signs of deterioration at this point, but we know that things will most likely be much different in 5 years. People with this disorder usually lose their ability to walk by their early teens and rarely survive their 20s.

We have seen spiritual good beginning to come in our lives as we feel suddenly like a man aroused by the fire alarm at 3 am. Life has taken on a sudden urgency and instantly there seems to be a reshaping of priorities. As the song says, "the things of earth will dim and lose their value when we recall they're borrowed for a while." It is one thing to talk of eternity when you are 35 and the average life expectancy is 70--quite another when eternal realities suddenly seem just around the corner. We all know that life is uncertain and but a vapor, but when things like this arise, suddenly that knowing is an intense feeling. It is one thing to talk about heaven by-and-by, quite another to suddenly feel desperately like these eternal realities must be true and must be more glorious than this life if we are to have hope.

Spiritual good is eternal good, but as we are now still in the flesh we do not always rise above the challenges. There have been tears and I am sure many more await us. But suddenly the promise that every tear will be wiped away takes on significant meaning. What does that promise hold for people like us who have, up till now, not had too much to cry over in life? We have much to work through at this point. We want to use this as an incredible impetus for renewed spiritual vitality as we contemplate the real possibilities of the next years. But we also do not want to despair of God's intervention on Jacob's behalf. There is no cure for MD at this point and there is not much they can do to even alleviate the condition, but we pray that God will delay the trouble. The doctors say that every year new things are coming out for various conditions and hope may be around the corner. But we cannot rest our joy or happiness on that. We have both said we do not feel like "why us?" but "why not us?" We do not want to give up the ship without a fight. Jacob of old wrestled with God till he prevailed. Even David, when faced with a Prophecy about his son's death, did not feel despair in praying for his healing. ("While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?'" 2 Sam 12:22) We don't want to be despairing of healing nor place our only hope in healing.

Our greatest prayer must be, "Lord, don't take him away until you call him to yourself." We do pray so urgently that we would see significant signs of conversion in him as well as the girls. We ask that God would give him a profoundly grace-filled heart to go with a body that is not strong. We pray that he would have the privilege of doing much eternal good in his life, however long. Jesus died at 33, Jim Elliot at 28, Henry Martyn at 30, David Brainerd at 29.

We still do not know when or what to say to the kids. Jacob still asks why he has to go to the doctor so much when he isn't sick and doesn't have a disease. We don't know what good the knowledge would do them at this point and think it might only do harm by causing him to think he can't do something when he really still could.

I know that it has really helped change my direction. Yesterday I went out to cut the lawn with a push mower. Jacob came out and wanted to help. We had to stop once because he got tired, but he stuck with it and we mowed the whole lawn. Two months ago I would have insisted on doing it myself because it took 3 times as long to do it with him--walking more slowly, holding the handle at an angle that was good for him but that hurt my back, taking every turn at a snail's pace--but now I wouldn't trade those 2 hours for the world. I am quickly losing my task-focus and getting a people-focus to my jobs.

I guess I could go on for a long time about the hopes, the fears, the lessons, and all the other stuff that is going on right now, but I will finish this out. I can only say that never before has the eternal, invisible, spiritual realm felt so necessary. Without it, we have nothing. Every physical object or person in our lives can be taken away. If we have our happiness or joy in anything that is visible, we are at risk of losing our joy, because Paul reminds us that the things that are seen are temporary. Only when we can truly say our joy and happiness lies in God and in eternity are we safe from the dangers of this world.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18